Lay-Offs

Some good friends were laid off at my company today. I am still standing - but very possibly - not for long. I am sick about it. I hate how fucking stressful life is - for some of us. And for some people - not at all. Nobody said it was fair though, right?

DENIED

So I got a bill from the Orthotic and Prosthetic company the other day .. for TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS. Um, what? I thought for sure it was a mistake as they told me we were good to go as far as insurance coverage. I didn't check, but they did - or so I thought. Well, I guess they didn't. Because Highmark denied us. The cost for the helmet is 3000 dollars .. the discount for non-covered patients is 1000 dollars - hence the unexpected bill for 2000 bucks.

I'm fighting it. Will appeal to the insurance company. But it's yet ANOTHER battle to fight and if you've read this blog over time - you know I have fought and fought and FOUGHT. From infertility ... to a risky pregnancy ... to breastfeeding disaster ... and then fighting for the plagiocephaly diagnosis after pedi blew me off and now - this. Another fight. (And I've never even gone into detail here about the battles outside of my immediate family ... my sister's loss of her husband and the (ongoing) battle to keep her and her kids afloat ... my other sister's unspeakably tragic loss of her 15 year old son last fall. Yeah, we've had more than our share heaped on us in recent years.)

And even stupid stuff ... working to get our house refinanced (successfully! woot!) Laboring over whether or not to go part-time in the fall so I can spend at least one more day a week with my son (I think I'm doing it. We'll take a hit financially but working five days a week is eating my soul. I fought so hard for my little guy - it's too much time away from him. But that's a battle I fight with J - who is afraid of financial insecurity - and understandably so in this shaky, fucked up economy. So it's an internal battle I fight with myself too - my own fears and doubts - wanting to make the best decision for JACK.)

Mama's tired.

But I'm on it. I found some really well written successful appeal letters (insurers love to deny coverage for these helmets) so I am cutting and pasting the good stuff and customizing it to reflect Jack's situation. And making calls to the specialist he saw at Children's and asking them to gather up paperwork and help me out and having my mom sign an affidavit that as his childcare provider she participated in efforts to reposition him since before he was 3 months old and etc., etc., etc. I'm on it.

BUT THIS NEEDS TO BE MY LAST BATTLE! At least for a few months. I need a break. Really.

Urgh.

3 millimeters!

That's how much Jack's head has grown in 2 weeks - this is good - we are trucking right along in helmet-ville!

I brought up our August vacation and the fact that we'd be going from PA to SC - where it will be HOT HOT HOT and at first the orthotist was just very matter of fact "he'll be fine, and you can take it off as needed if he gets overheated" and I was so bummed because I was hoping she'd say "oh, you''ll probably be done by then" but then she DID say "and you could be done by then anyway" so that made me happy!

Grow Jack's head, grow! (It is noticeably better too - was never too bad to begin with so I am hoping we ARE done by early August. All depends on how much and how fast his little noggin grows - the helmet guides growth but can only do so if there IS growth.)

Super BAby, Super SPACE MAN!

That's how we sing it! Here's my beautiful baby, rockin' his helmet!

Doing a little better...

... well, a lot better actually. He slept in his helmet last night - and he is sleeping in it now. He napped in it yesterday and today as well. He was in bed with me most of last night and will probably end up there again, which is fine with me. Whatever it takes to help him through this.

Pray for a big cranial growth spurt that gets us out of this thing FAST.

The helmet is my nemesis. Ugh.

Helmet Heartache

It's not going well. We had a really difficult first night in the helmet. Well, scratch that - because he's not in it. Close to an hour of exhausted screaming and crying - the helmet is off - and Jack is asleep. He literally crumpled with relief once it was off. I don't know how we're going to do this. I'm really beside myself.

TEETH!

My little trooper cut not one, but TWO teeth over Memorial Day weekend. He was fussy Saturday afternoon and I could see one front bottom tooth under his gums but did not realize it was THIS CLOSE to busting through.. Well, by Sunday - it was through! Sharp little sucker too! And by Sunday I could tell the other was not far behind - it came through by Monday (Memorial Day.) He's been teething for a while - but once they hit 4 months, every fussy episode is attributed to "teething" - but you never have clear evidence that indeed - this IS teething - until you can see a tooth beneath (or above!) or notice inflamed gums.

I cried because it is evidence of time passing ... and because someday Jack will grow up and leave me. That is insane, I know, but I'm having a hard time with all of it. Knowing that he is probably my only baby (and wishing I could have more, while at the same time trying to remember to be GRATEFUL for the amazing little boy I am SO BLESSED to have in my life.) He is such a wonderful baby. So, so pleasant, so beautiful - I am so lucky.

Let's see .. what else. I pumped for what appears to the be the LAST TIME yesterday morning - so that's contributed to my emotional state too. I am glad to be done pumping, but as I've said before, SAD that this chapter is over, and that it didn't go how I'd hoped. I would love to still be nursing my little boy. We were robbed of that opportunity. I know I have to let it go. And I do, little by little. I had no trauma over my very medicalized birth as crunchy birth wannabe's sometimes do. But I do suffer from not having been able to breastfeed - especially as it was a situation that with the right information - probably could have been fixed. That's hard. Ugh. I guess this is the place to write about it though - and to get those feelings out - and set them free.

Here is a pic of my beautiful boy - one week before he cut his first tooth! You can tell he was feeling teethy though!!



He is the love of my life. Hands down. And I sure love his dad too - but this little guy, wow. It's surely nothing I've ever known before. Pure love. Teeth and all!